It’s done, the man needs to be fired. Last night proved what we essentially already knew, Eli is hot garbage. I bet you cant name the last time a RB had 230 yards from scrimmage, and their team lost by THREE TOUCHDOWNS. That’s insane, for Barkley to go out and perform like he did, and his team was able to score one touchdown? That’s pathetic. Listen manning’s stats on paper aren’t that bad, 281 passing yards and only one interception, but he had an abysmal 66.1 passer rating, and was 24/43 on completions. You don’t have an excuse to have those stats, when you have one of the most talented wideouts in the league coupled with quite possibly a top 3 Running back, you should be able to make plays. Yes, the giants offensive line is bad, but it cant be that bad seeing as they created opportunities for Barkey to run for 130 yards. I have heard all the excuses a giants fan can make for Eli, but you cant defend him anymore. The Giants need to throw in the towel for this year, go to rebuild, and draft a QB early in the first round next year, and just give up on Eli. If the Giants don’t look towards the future, they’re on pace to be the next Cleveland Browns.
LABron and the Lakeshow beat the Warriors last night in a potential Western Conference Finals preview. It’s only preseason, but you never know with that balding superstar who’s wreaked havoc on the East for nearly a decade. Nevertheless, the preseason has shown one thing: the strengths of the league’s shitpile squads (particularly the rooks). Luca Doncic has been a spectacular fit in Dallas this preseason, averaging 14 points per game in 3 contests. He looks like a flat out star and so does Trae Young of the Atlanta Hawks after calling game from the logo against the Spurs. Any team who got a lotto pick should be jumping for fucking joy cause this draft class could be one of the greatest ever. Other notable preseason rookies were DeAndre Ayton, Marvin Bagley, and Mo Bamba, who is the namesake of an absolute banger that is ripping up the party scene at your local university. The rooks put on some shows and hopefully they carry their performance into the regular season. Particularly guys like Kevin Knox and Wendell Carter Jr., who could singlehandedly spark a quick rebuild for the Knicks and Bulls respectively. Meanwhile, teams like the Celtics and Warriors, who both had losing records in the preseason, either just don’t give a flying fuck about meaningless games or just need a couple weeks to get their shit straight. I’ll go with the first option since they’re the favorites to meet in the Finals. Hayward is integrating back into the lineup for MY Celtics and should be comeback player of the year as long as his back stops giving him shit. The Warriors should be fine but are looking like the Lakers’ young core could give them tummy aches when they match up. As long as Cousins comes back healthy and dominates the 5 like he has in the past, they should be golden. But their major flaw is their lack of depth at the center with McGee in LA now and Zaza out of the picture. They’ll need be extremely efficient elsewhere, which I don’t see as too much to ask.
Some familiar faces in new threads should prove to be refreshing for their fans and their front offices. Kawhi is looking so comfortable in Toronto it’s like he never played in San Antonio before. Even though his laugh sounds like a billy goat who got his testicles caught in a blender, expect greatness from him in the Six. Derozan should fit in nicely in San Antonio as their first option, and could possibly bring the ball up with DeJounte Murray’s season cut short due to an ACL tear. DeAndre Jordan finally said “fuck it” and joined the Mavs and should rejuvenate their front court. Julius Randle to New Orleans should be a nice compliment to arguably the best player in the league, AD. The Pelicans should be a surprising team and could potentially lock up a 4-5 seed come April. And he’s not in a new city yet but GOD DAMN JIMMY BUTLER YOU HAVE SOME GIGANTIC CLACKERS. He singlehandedly roasted everyone in the Timberwolves organization and I don’t blame him. Who in the world would want to play at the Target Center 41 games out of the season in nipple sharpening cold temperatures and a historically horrible and murder-ridden city? Jimmy wants to hit up a big market, which he should, because the Wolves are basically the former Bulls now and he wanted out of that shitshow too. He’d rather be the number one option in a system that is on the cusp of a swift rebuild rather than a disgruntled star in a system that has sort of rebuilt but will never contend in a superiorly stacked West.
And now a few bold predictions for the season that may be a little out there for some of you fucks:
- THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR IS…. Trae Young. The ROTY voters will value his scoring, shooting, and playmaking abilities more than the physicality of Ayton and Bagley. Rebounds and blocks won’t mean shit. Young will most likely start for the disgustingly bad Hawks and Young should be waving his cock all over State Farm Arena cause this is his team now.
- The Grizzlies get their shit together and contend for the postseason (8th seed). Not quite back to the former Grizzlies, but the Memphis squad should expect a healthy Mike Conley and Marc Gasol being a consistent top center in the NBA. The West is so deep you can’t really see them getting a higher seed.
- Last but not least… The Nuggets will have a top 5 offense in the NBA and claim the West’s third seed. We’ve seen the Joker and his flashy passes, flashes of greatness from Jamal Murray, and a healthy Millsap could open up new offensive avenues. I believe Michael Porter Jr. will have a memorable rookie season and contribute to an already stacked Nugs roster. Beware of this squad.
A long blog, but only because this seasons about to be WILD.
P.S. Fuck the Yankees, Sox in 6 against Houston.
Til next time, cunts
I mean when you see an over like this, you typically want to tuck your tail between your legs and run the fuck away, but I’m a degenerate and I’m dropping every cent I can spare on it. I get it you’re thinking “but I’m a pussy Tyler, how can I bet the over?” well that’s easy, grow the fuck up and place the bet. The Chiefs offense is unreal right now, and are playing against a shaky Patriots secondary. However, the Patriots offense has a spark to it right now, with Julian Edelman returning to the field last week, and Josh Gordon becoming more confident and comfortable every week on the field, while the Chiefs defense is statistically one of the worst in the league. I cant tell you who’s going to win this game but I can tell you that this is going to be a high scoring game that will go over 60, turn off your night lights, conquer your fears, and place the bet.
I think I can speak for all Boston fans when I say this, beating the Yankees in the playoffs is almost as satisfying as winning the World Series (key word almost). Game 4 was more exciting to me than any other game this series, it was even better than our 16-1 victory Monday night. The bottom of the 9th was a drama riddled inning, Craig Kimbrel had his work cut out for him as the Yankees poised themselves for a come back in the bottom of the 9th, Sanchez almost put it over the wall while the bases were loaded and the Yankees were down 2 -4 which would have ended the game right then and there. Kimbrel kept his composure through the inning, but the real hero last night was Steve Pearce. Pearce stretched out to catch the ball thrown from Nunez like a trailer trash girl named Bethany does in her mid 30s. It was such an enticing game to watch, had me at the edge of my seat, screaming at the top of my lungs which hopefully didn’t wake up my neighbors, however if they weren’t watching the game themselves, they’re total nerds. And of course it wouldn’t be a Yankees game without one of their fans acting like a total and complete tool. One of the fans threw a full beer at Kimbrel as he came out of the bullpen, which missed him by just a few feet and could’ve seriously injured him, and I demand that this fan be brought forward and sacrificed to New England’s patron saint of sports Tom Brady. We are ready to destroy the Astros next, and move on the World Series after we tech them who the best team in Baseball is.
Yikes. Tough to be in the Bronx watching this game right now. I mean for me it’s a phenomenal sight to see as a Red Sox fan, you dream of games like this. The Red Sox are playing insanely well right now, and are actually playing like they finished with the best record in the MLB this year. This is the Red Sox the fans have been dying to see this post season. They’re just unleashing on the Yankees like a frat boy on a toilet bowl after too many yager bombs. Red Sox need to finish this game strong and finish destroying the people of New Yorks hopes and dreams tomorrow night.
Okay, I know this one is late but I just wanted to express my hatred for Jason Garrett. I didn’t even have money on the Cowboys (primarily because I’m not an idiot) but this decision still pissed me off. How in the world do you punt on 4th and 1 on the Houston 42 yard line? You have a fucking beast of a running back in Ezekiel Elliot, you give him the ball, and THEN if worse comes to worse, you give your defense a chance to stop them. What a wildly idiotic decision to make, the Cowboys are just going to keep doing stupid Cowboy things I guess. But whatever, I covered on the game because I bought to 2.5 for the Houston spread, and I am going to win again in 2 hours when the Saints finish embarrassing the Redskins just like a Jewish mother does at her son’s Bah Mitzvah (for those of you pieces of shit out there that don’t know Jewish culture and traditions it’s a coming of age ceremony for 13 year old boys, read a book).
What is going on right now, can anyone tell me? I mean I have already seen two botched punt returns and its only an hour into the games, kicks are missing like crazy not only this week, but the entire season so far. Also, are we allowed to say Green Bay sucks yet, because they look like they suck. On top of all that, I am pretty sure I just saw the most egregious missed pass interference call in the Bills game. And as I am writing this, Odell Beckham just showed he’s better at throwing touchdowns than he is at catching them this year. The NFL just feels like its turned upside down right now, and I don’t hate it either, its making for an exciting season. There is two more things I want to talk about, first thing is that even though Game Of Mahomes just threw his first pick, hes showing right now against the leagues best defense that hes the real deal. This kid is the ideal QB, when you combine his athletic talents with his photographic memory you create a player that’s so unique in the NFL. The Chiefs defense also can apparently only show up when they’re playing against the leagues best defense, if they are able to somehow replicate this defensive performance in future games they are a lock for winning the Superbowl. The second thing I want to talk about is how in the hell has Mason Crosby missed 3 kicks today??? There’s something crazy going on in the NFL right now and I fucking love it.