I am 1 – 2 For Bets Going Into The 4 O’clock Games But The Patriots Won So Whatever

Well. The Tampa Bay and Atlanta bets just didn’t pay off. Tampa Bay primarily because they’re flat out horrible. Viagra could literally create an Ad campaign showing Tampa Bay’s first 2 games as a man in his 70’s using Viagra, hard as a rock and unbeatable, and then the other half of the ad campaign would be Tampa Bay’s last 2 games as a man in his 70’s who stops using Viagra, soft, sad, and a flat out joke. Atlanta on the other hand, played a great game, they just lost to the Bengals at the last second, which I am going to say is primarily because they called the Andy Dalton fumble an incomplete pass when in reality it was fumble and whoever was officiating that game should jump off a bridge for that call. However, the Patriots performance made up for it, they looked amazing today, just wrecking the Dolphins dreams of having an second undefeated season. Josh Gordon being on the field created amazing opportunities for the other players on the Patriots Offense, and I am excited to see what happens this Thursday when Tom Brady gets his favorite target Julian Edelman back on the field. I still have a couple of bets out there tonight that should let me cover if nothing else ridiculous happens, so I am thankful for that at least.

Tampa Bay Should Just Quit Football

Wow. Bears just smoking Tampa Bay. Not going to bet on Tampa ever again. Their wins were clearly a fluke. What happened to the team that looked like they were going to the playoffs this year? Tampa Bay just needs to stop. Stop playing football, stop being a city, relocate the people of Tampa to another armpit of a town in Florida, and drop a bomb on the city of Tampa because they’re garbage.  You’re just going to let Mitchell Trubisky stomp you like that on live television? Every single Tampa Bay players significant other should leave them, because they’re worthless. In conclusion, no more bets are going on Tampa this year and I am putting out hits with the mob on all the members of the team and the coaching staff.

Josh Gordon Will Be Critical To Patriots Win Over Dolphins

Josh Gordon. The man who led the league in receiving yards in 2013. Everyone thought he was done at one point or another after the 2013 season, between his substance abuse problems, and finally getting cut by the browns two weeks ago, most people would think his career was towards its end, however I think this is where Josh Gordon will truly begin to shine. The Patriots have a system where tons of wide receivers have come and played excellent football, especially ones with very similar situations to Gordons, the Hall Of Fame Legend Randy Moss for example, who had his fair share of controversies before coming to the Patriots in the 2007 season. The Patriots have been in desperate need of a deep threat wide receiver, as the other receivers on the team haven’t been enough of a threat to opposing secondaries (obviously excluding Robert Gronkowski, who in the past 3 games has been at least double-covered, creating limited big play opportunities for the leagues best tight end). Josh Gordon has the potential shake up what looks like a very slow and ragged offense, and expect Gordon to really shine when Julian Edelman returns in week 5, creating a wide receiver situation that will be very similar to the Texans or Steelers current situation (Deandre Hopkins and Will Fuller, Antonio Brown and Juju Smith Schuster) where you have an incredibly talented Wide Receiver, coupled with a deep threat Wide Receiver which creates ample scoring opportunities. It’s still technically unknown if Gordon will be playing in week 4 or not, and if he does play, what kind of role he will have on the field. However, if Josh Gordon does get out on the field today against the Dolphins, expect a big performance from him, because he’s going out on the field to prove he is still relevant to the game of football.

Cole Beasley Straight Up Doesn’t Give A Shit

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Wow. I mean Cole Beasley is straight up challenging the team to cut him with this. If I was a coach, I would cut him out of spite, but I am a petty asshole, one of the reasons I wouldn’t make a good NFL coach. On the other hand, Beasley kind of has a point here, the Coaching staff wouldn’t dare cut him, because quite frankly they cant afford to lose any of their WRs right now, the Cowboys just don’t pose any kind of a deep threat to opposing secondary’s and they need every player they have right now. But either way, throwing your opinion on how safe you’re on the teams roster in such a public format is never a good look. To quote one of the greatest dodge ball announcers to ever live “Thats a bold strategy cotton, lets see how it plays out for him”

Jerry Jones Is Now One Of The Dumbest Humans On Earth

 

Jerry Jones has just made potentially the dumbest statement of all time, that he sees similarities between the Rams and the Cowboys offenses…. Dementia has clearly set in early. Have you watched the Cowboys offense this year Jerry? The Cowboys offense shows more similarities to the gigantic floating pile of trash floating around the pacific ocean than it does to the Rams currently sterling offense. The Cowboys are 1-2 going into week 4, and are probably going to be 1-3 going into week 5, in all honesty their offense has no excuse to be as poor performing as it has been , seeing as they have one of the best backs in the league combined with the fact that they have a top 3 Offensive line in the league as of right now. The Cowboys have 41 points of combined offense going into week 4, and the Rams have 140 points combined offense with their week 4 game already out of the way. My advice to Jerry Jones would be this, maybe run stupid shit you’re going to say publicly by someone that knows whats going on with Football so that the whole internet doesn’t end up viewing you as a moron.

Rams 38 Vikings 31 AKA I Was Right

First off, I would like to say, if you got your bet in on time, and bet the rams at 6.5, you’re welcome. However, if you waited until the spread shifted to 7.5, that’s your fault you dumb idiot. Also, from the start I will show a bit of humility here (very rare because I am a prick) by saying that I thought the Rams would win by 10, they only won by 7. Also, the fact that the offense consisted of 3 players tonight, those players are Goff, Kupp, and Gurley. Plain and Simple, Goff played way above what I thought he was capable of tonight, by dropping some insanely accurate TD passes like this one below where Goff threaded the needle over 2 defenders heads into Kupps hands. Goff treated the defenders like they were irrelevant to the play.

I mean Goff is like fine wine, that’s aging 10 times faster than it’s supposed to. As they say: wine gets better with age (I wouldn’t know, I drink PBR and whatever else I can get my hands on for cheap). I Will say this, the Vikings played better than I would’ve gave them credit for coming into this game, and have redeemed themselves as a possible contention team for the superbowl. However, the Rams still look like the team that’s going to win the NFC, and possibly the superbowl. Give the Facebook and Twitter a follow. If you don’t, I’ll be sending my bookie after you to break some knee caps

I Know Why Lil Dicky Had to Cancel His Recent Tour

So, from my groundbreaking investigative work I have found out the shocking truth. Lil Dicky is Colin Kaepernick. Or vice versa. Either way there’s a 100 percent chance they’re the same person, or their mom was loose with it. This is the only logical explanation, all I’m saying is I saw Lil Dicky perform at Springfield College one time and Kaepernick was nowhere to be seen. Coincidence? I think not. Lil Dicky had to cancel his tour not because he was working on the new album, but because he was too busy fighting for equality. I mean look at them, same fro, it just seems like Lil Dicky was slinging the ball for San Fran in blackface, and then spitting at college shows across the country. I mean I could be wrong but like I said earlier I have never seen them in the same room