These motherfuckers must be spiking their Lucky Charms with Human Growth Hormone because they have absolutely demolished any pitcher they’ve faced so far. Currently it’s the bottom of the 2nd inning against Nathan Eovaldi and they’ve launched 3 solo homers. They scored 12 runs on 5 home runs last night on Opening Day. These crazy sons of bitches are just destroying everything they see and it’s not fun to watch as a Sox fan. They might win every single game this season. They could put a 5th grader on the mound and still hit enough home runs a game to win every single game this season. We are witnessing history, folks. The Seattle Slammers would also be way cooler than the Bronx Bombers, mainly because they have to hit the ball significantly longer to get it out of T-Mobile Stadium. Just absolute insanity.
Shoutout to the DameTime! Network, a podcast network run by my good buddy Duke Large. I’m going to be starting my own podcast called Just Dingers with two other dudes. We’ll be talking all the hot shit about the MLB and I’ll probably give some hot takes. If you enjoy my blogs, then definitely check out the podcast too. I’ll be posting a link when the podcast is up and running. Stay tuned folks ⚾️
Opening Day is just a few weeks away and I can smell the sweet scents of freshly cut grass and pine tar. Baseball season is upon us, and all the people who don’t care about it can slob on a knob. Following the recent free agent signings of Machad-hoe and Harper, we can finally start predicting how the season will go. This will be a lengthy blog, so stop reading now if your attention span can’t handle it.
This guy is a good dude. After wearing number 34 with the Nationals since 2012 he’s deciding to wear a different number after signing with the Phillies on a 13 year, 330 million dollar death sentence.
Manny Machado made his extremely anticlimactic free agency decision by choosing a 10 year, $300 million deal offered by the Padres, the largest free agent signing in MLB history. His other possible destinations were Philadelphia and Chicago (White Sox).
“Hey I’m Adam Ottavino, I’m an ignorant sack of dicks, and I could strike out Babe Ruth every time.” Bitch please. The words coming out of your mouth are more toxic than mine after a night of binge drinking and Taco Bell.
Aaron Judge and Giancarlo Stanton were supposed to be masters of the piss missile this season. They were supposed to be an unstoppable force in the American League. Not to mention to potent lumber that Gary Sanchez and Didi Gregorious provide. That’s at least 4 Silver Slugger bats there, right? Wrong. The most powerful offense didn’t receive ONE award, and one of the reasons why is because 2 Red Sox players got three combined. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it, but Mookie and JD won 3 combined. JD won a Silver Slugger for DH AND OF, even though he barely patrolled the outfield. He’s just that fucking good. Mike Trout took the other one for outfielders, so Aaron Judge must feel as shitty as he did when his music blasting antics backfired. The Yankees just keep on getting trolled by the Red Sox and this century is looking like the tables will turn and the Yankees will be looking up at the Sox on top of the world. Yankees Suck.