My Petition To Publicly Hang The Random Dude Who Shot Big Papi

Man’s a damn national treasure to the Dominican Republic AND America, and some goomba in the DR decides hes going to shoot him in a crowded bar? What a genius tactician you are bud.

Okay I think I speak for everyone when i say the most important thing is that David Ortiz is supposed to make a full recovery, The second most important thing is i hope the guy that decided to shoot him gets skull fucked my demons with swords for dicks that happen to be smeared in HIV positive blood. I do love that the patrons of the bar in Santo Domingo just pummeled this go so bad he cant even speak STREET JUSTICE. It is good to hear the Red Sox obviously have Ortiz’s best interest at heart as they’re trying to get him transferred to mass general (honestly Massachusetts worst hospital is probably better than the DR best). I guess that’s just how magnetic/electrifying of a player Ortiz is, is that when something like this happened not only did every Red Sox fan begin to worry, Baseball fans around the world did because that’s exactly what Big Papi means to the game of baseball.

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