The Columbus Blue Jackets Should Change Their Name

There’s so many names we could choose for the Blue Jackets that would be extremely fitting for them right now. They just swept the Tampa Bay Lightning, who just had a historic season and had perhaps the NHL MVP on their team. And they didn’t just squeak by; they gave em a big old cup of Cosby Concoction and did unspeakable things to them. A 7-3 dominant win propelled them into the next round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and they seem to look unstoppable. What should we, as a community, rename them? The Columbus Big Flopping Cocks? The Columbus Dream Crushers? Meat Beaters? I think the Lightning Rods would be fitting since they just conducted all of that electricity and told Tampa to blow it out their ass. What a series win. Honestly, it was inevitable because no one comes back from down 3-0 to win a series. It’s rarely ever done and the Columbus Straight-Up-Murdering-Sons-Of-Bitches were not gonna let that happen. Maybe Tampa Bay should change their name to the Twinkletoes or Happy Bears cause they were literally made to look like sorry little 3 year old children who still meander around in shitty butt diapers crying for the Apple Watch their progressive mommy bought them for their month old birthday. What a pathetic showing – nope, I can’t say they played pathetically because the Columbus Hammer Schlongs straight up outplayed them. Congrats to the Columbus Gangbangers on a great victory. May their momentum propel them past anyone they may play, besides the Bruins if they can beat the Toronto Cottenheaded-Ninnymuggins.

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