There’s so many names we could choose for the Blue Jackets that would be extremely fitting for them right now. They just swept the Tampa Bay Lightning, who just had a historic season and had perhaps the NHL MVP on their team. And they didn’t just squeak by; they gave em a big old cup of Cosby Concoction and did unspeakable things to them. A 7-3 dominant win propelled them into the next round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and they seem to look unstoppable. What should we, as a community, rename them? The Columbus Big Flopping Cocks? The Columbus Dream Crushers? Meat Beaters? I think the Lightning Rods would be fitting since they just conducted all of that electricity and told Tampa to blow it out their ass. What a series win. Honestly, it was inevitable because no one comes back from down 3-0 to win a series. It’s rarely ever done and the Columbus Straight-Up-Murdering-Sons-Of-Bitches were not gonna let that happen. Maybe Tampa Bay should change their name to the Twinkletoes or Happy Bears cause they were literally made to look like sorry little 3 year old children who still meander around in shitty butt diapers crying for the Apple Watch their progressive mommy bought them for their month old birthday. What a pathetic showing – nope, I can’t say they played pathetically because the Columbus Hammer Schlongs straight up outplayed them. Congrats to the Columbus Gangbangers on a great victory. May their momentum propel them past anyone they may play, besides the Bruins if they can beat the Toronto Cottenheaded-Ninnymuggins.