Tarik Cohen is Good at Legs, Cody Parkey Is Not

First and foremost, I would like to convey my apologies to the entire sports world because I posted ONE sarcastic blog that has apparently shifted the universe’s order. Philly just beat the Bears behind Nick Foles throwing a 4th down touchdown for the lead and Cody Parkey missing his most important footjob of his career. A 12-4 juggernaut like the Bears should easily take care of business against a barely-allowed-in-the-playoffs team like the Eagles. Both defenses fought tooth and dick to win and it was incredible how it ended. After Big Dick Nick threw a TD on the biggest drive of the season so far, Tarik Cohen ran back the kickoff for a huge gain and set the Bears up perfectly for a comeback win. They get it to the 26 yard line (43 yard field goal), and here comes Cody Parkey. He gets iced by a timeout. Second chance. He must have seen Nick Foles’ huge schlong from the sidelines because I cannot understand how he kicked a double doink ricochet off the left upright AND the crossbar to lose the game. Mother fucking universe said, “Hey, this guy wrote a blog about the Eagles running the show in the playoffs, let’s fuck everyone over.” Cody Parkey either sucks at legs or was just completely screwed by whichever Greek god controls the wind. On the bright side, there will be significantly less Philly fans stabbing anyone they see on the street because they lost a playoff game. They might never lose again. I am appalled but at the same time I could give a fuck less cause it’s Pats-Saints in the Super Bowl and it’s gonna be a fuck fest like you’ve never seen. Eat my shit universe, the Eagles ain’t gettin past the Saints next week. COUNT ON THAT.

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