Aaron Rodgers is a God Man

I have two main takeaways from the Monday night primetime game that pitted the San Francisco 49ers against the Green Bay Packers at Lambeau.

1. Aaron Rodgers is a god and an absolute stud.

2. The fact that “Beathard” is pronounced “BETH-urd” is still ridiculous and C.J. must’ve had a rough time in his adolescence.

The 49ers’ backup QB had a wonderful game, almost outplaying Rodgers throughout the course of the game. Despite a late game interception by Packers’ DB Kevin King, he launched a 67 yard pass to Marquise Goodwin in the first quarter that left me in awe. He then connected to Goodwin again for 30 yards in the second quarter that gave them the lead over the Pack. The 9ers had momentum and Cheeseheads everywhere were horrified when they eventually took a 30-23 lead.

Hold your fuckin horses though, here comes Aaron Rodgers with his titanium wang and his rocket arm. He made plays with his feet, he picked the defense apart, but not without throwing some disappointing incompletions. This motherfucker tossed 132 of his 425 passing yards to Davante Adams, as well as 2 TD’s his way. He brought the Green and Yellow back and made big play after big play. I know for a fact he turned every female in Wisconsin’s panties into Niagara Falls. And even more importantly to me, he led me to a comeback win in my fantasy lead and I took the dub by a point and a half. Truly incredible. No game is safe with this man front and center.

The Packers ended up winning 33-30 and scored 10 unanswered points in the final 2 minutes. Mason Crosby finally decided to get his foot out of his ass and kick the ball between the skinny yellow poles instead of 50 yards wide (this time to win the game). Even though the offensive line looked like they didn’t eat their Wheaties and San Fran actually played a football game that didn’t make them look like pathetic little shitbags, the Packers showed they’re still relevant and in the mix to win a division full of hungry teams. It might’ve been cold at Lambeau Field, but Rodgers’ schlong never shriveled up.

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